


Alternate Ending

by SamWinchesterIsAHero



Series: Starting Over [19]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Character Death, Child Death, Dead Dean, Dead Sam, Domestic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Fever, Hallucinations, Happy Ending, Heaven, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Lucifer's Cage, M/M, Married Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Nightmares, Pain, Panic Attacks, Past Character Death, Pregnant Sam, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sam has Nightmares, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 08:55:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5737498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamWinchesterIsAHero/pseuds/SamWinchesterIsAHero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is an Alternate ending to my series as a whole, and Suffocating. <br/>As Sam gets further along in his pregnancy, he suddenly is feeling much more weak and tired then before. He pushes himself a bit to much beyond his limits. After getting a fever, Sam starts hallucinating, and has a panic attack passing out while home alone. Dean finds him and immediately takes him to the hospital. After everything, Sam and Dean pay the ultimate price, loosing their son. <br/>Dean always knew Sam couldn't survive loosing another child.<br/>Warning, triggers! Read the tags!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS NOT THE END TO THIS SERIES! This is an alternate ending, but I will continue both Suffocating and my Starting Over series.
> 
> If you have already read Suffocating the first 2 chapters are the same so you can skip them to get to the alternate ending.

Sam sighed in relief as he walked through the front door, releasing Bear from his leash so he could run into the house.  
Sam had quickly came to love Bear, and he enjoyed playing, cuddling, and overall spending time with the energetic puppy. The only problem though, Sam being home all day, was the only one to be able to play with and walk the puppy for a majority of the day. Of course, a couple months ago this wouldn't have been a problem, but now that he was seven months pregnant, and suddenly tired all the time, it was a challenge to simply go and play fetch in the backyard; much less go for a walk.  
Sam set the leash down on the little table in the entrance, walking into the living room he collapsed down on the couch. A nap was just what he needed right now. A good, long nap. Sam closed his eyes, letting sleep quickly over come him.

Sam's eyes shot open, quickly rolling off the couch he made his way as fast as his pregnant body would let him to the bathroom, hand clasped over his mouth. Dropping to his knees in front of the toilet Sam threw up the contents of his stomach. Once he was done, he shakily stood up, rinsing his mouth and splashing some cold water on his face. It was strange, he didn't really have morning sickness anymore, but for the past few days he had suddenly been getting sick more, as well as it felt like the energy was just being drained from him, more so than it had been before. As well he just didn't feel good overall, he was just constantly tired, and weak. No matter how much he slept he just woke up tired. He figured it was just from the pregnancy, lots of expecting parents had a rough patch in their pregnancy, he had read about it. Just one point in your pregnancy that seemed to take more out of you than any other part. He honestly felt though like he was re-doing the trials, the weakness and tiredness was so much like them.  
Sighing Sam walked out of the bathroom, heading to the kitchen to start making supper.

The next day Sam woke up to morning sickness. Once he stood up to rinse his mouth out he had to suddenly grasp the bathroom counter as a wave of dizziness overtook him. Taking deep breaths, he sat down on the toilet seat, waiting for the dizziness to pass; once it had, Sam stood up, rinsed out his mouth, and made his way downstairs to make himself some breakfast, do some work, then take Bear out for a walk.

Honestly, he knew he shouldn't probably be taking Bear on walks, not alone and away from home; but he needed to get out of the house sometimes, needed the fresh air and exercise. Sam instantly regretted the decision when a wave of dizziness overtook him, so strong his vision started spotting. Sitting down carefully on the grass Sam took deep breaths, willing himself not to pass out. There was no one around, not at this time of the day. Everyone was at work, if he passed out there probably wouldn't be any help. Once he was able to see without spots in his vision or feeling like he was going to pass out, Sam stood up carefully. Bear was nudging him, clearly concerned about his owner. Sam patted the pup, reassuring him. Once he was standing up fully Sam steadied himself, glad the dizziness was gone. In it's wake though it had left a massive headache. It felt like jackhammers were going off in his head. Clenching his eyes shut Sam righted himself before opening them and heading back home immediately.

Once he was through the front door, Sam let Bear off his leash, heading for his and Dean's room. Glancing at the bedside clock once he laid down on his and Dean's bed Sam groaned, it was already to late to start supper. Hopefully Dean would be willing to order out. At the moment though, Sam didn't feel hungry at all. The only thing he wanted to do was to sleep.

Sam jerked awake, feeling a hand gently shaking him. Turning his head slightly he was able to see his husband looking at him concerned. Dean was saying something but Sam was still to much asleep and out of it to trh and understand. Instead he mumbled a slurred "I'm fine," and "order yourself something, not hungry" before he fell asleep; ignoring his husband's concerned voice.  
Later that night Sam rolled into Dean's warm, comforting embrace. Happy that Dean didn't try to talk to him, and simply went to sleep. Sam was still to tired for any sort of conversation.  
The next morning Sam woke briefly, just enough to feel Dean's lips on his forehead, and his husband whispering a soft "I love you" before he fell asleep again.

Heat, cold. How can those two things mix? Heat and cold aren't suppose to mix, aren't to be together. Flashes of pain. Lighting, some sort of light. Someone was laughing, he knew that laugh. He had spent over a century listening to that laugh. Listening as it talked to him, yelled and insulted him, tried to beat and break him down in every physical and psychological way possible. It couldn't be though. He was at home, he was with Dean. He was at his and Dean's home, pregnant with their son. he couldn't be here. There? Was there a "there?" The only time cold and heat mixed so well was when he was in the cage, surrounded by the fires of hell, when he was being touched and tortured by Lucifer. By the one who was cold. He couldn't be in the cage though. He was free. He was free...he was free.... Was he? Suddenly Sam screamed, as pain erupted from his body. He couldn't open his eyes, couldn't see what the Devil was doing to him. God, did he even have eyes? Had they already been removed? In that moment there was nothing else but pain. Pain. Pain. Pain. It was the everything, the only thing he knew. The pain, hammering behind his eyes, white flashes through his head. Heat, pain, god the sweltering heat, the brushes of cold.

Gasping Sam blinked his eyes open rapidly, looking to the digital clock, nearly two in the afternoon. Pain hit him. He had a massive headache, the pain was nearly unbearable. Rolling out of bed he almost collapsed from dizziness, placing his hand to his head to try and put pressure, try and ease the pain, stop the dizziness; he realized that there was heat on his hand. Focusing he realized it was from him, he was burning up. Stumbling to the bathroom Sam put all his weight down, balancing on the counter. His vision was spotting, he could hardly think from the pain. He heard Lucifer laughing at him, laughing at how weak he was, how pathetic. Sam tried to turn, get to the phone, get help. Dean. He had to call Dean. Dean. He couldn't think hardly; vision blacking. Sam gasped for breath, feeling like he was drowning. He was drowning, he couldn't breath. He couldn't breath. His knees gave out suddenly, falling. Blackness was taking over, suffocating him. Sam couldn't think, it was just pain. Laughing. His vision blurry, blacking, he saw a face looming over him. Grinning down at him, mocking him. Lucifer. Sam curled in on his stomach, hardly able to think, to focus, but knowing, protect the baby. He couldn't feel anything suddenly, as the darkness overtook him.


	2. Expiration Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean comes home and finds Sam unconscious on the floor.  
> Panicking he takes him to the hospital.

Dean walked in the front door, immediately he was welcomed by Bear running at him. Smiling, he crouched down to pet the puppy, while calling Sam's name. He had come home earlier than usual, worried about his husband. Last night he wouldn't even leave bed, sleeping the whole time. Aside from that Dean just had a bad feeling, like something was wrong.  
Calling Sam's name again Dean frowned when he got no answer. Dean walked through the house, checking the living room, calling his brother's name. Dean ignored the knot forming in his stomach. Sam was fine, he probably went outside or something and forgot to leave a note. Maybe went over to a neighbors. Pulling his phone out Dean dialed Sam's number. Dean turned toward the stairs when he heard his brother's ringtone going off upstairs. Mentally kicking himself for not looking in their bedroom, Dean made his way upstairs. Sam was probably taking a nap. He could be a heavy sleeper, and probably hadn't heard Dean.  
Opening the door to his and Sam's bedroom Dean gave a confused look at the empty bed. Something was wrong, he knew it, Sam couldn't just disappear. Wards and salt lines were fine.  
Dean heard a whine from behind him then, looking down he saw Bear, the pup looked distressed, trying to get around Dean and into the bedroom. The moment Dean moved for the dog, Bear bolted into the room, going to the bathroom, pawing at the closed door, all the while whining. Dean stood looking at the dog in confusion for a moment before he realized: the light was on in the bathroom, no noise coming from it. He quickly walked forward, dread building in him, knocking on the door Dean called for Sam. When he got no answer Dean opened the door, freezing for a moment. It felt like his world in that moment came crashing down on him. Sam was one the floor, unconscious. Dropping to his knees Dean gently picked his brother up, holding him to his chest. "Sam? Sammy!?" Dean shook his brother gently, swearing when he felt the waves of heat rolling off Sam. His brother was burning up. Laying Sam down, Dean stood up, grabbing a washcloth and wetting it in cool water, he laid it down across Sam's forehead. Running to the bedside table Dean flipped open Sam's phone, quickly dialing 911.  
A to chipper sounding for her job female answered with the generic line of "911 what's your emergency?" the call. Dean quickly rushed through his speaking. "I need an ambulance, I came home and found my pregnant husband passed out on the floor. He has a fever, and won't wake up." Rushing through his address Dean ended the call after saying "please hurry." He went back and took Sam back into his arms. Murmuring to him while he waited for the paramedics to arrive. Dean let out a sigh of relief when he heard the sirens, only minutes after his call. He quickly ran downstairs to let them in, showing the way up to where Sam was, answering their questions. They quickly strapped Sam onto a gurney, taking him downstairs and loading him onto the ambulance. Dean got on, holding Sam's hand, begging him to be OK, to hold on. While rushing to the hospital a paramedic looked at Dean. "You're the one that found him?" Nodding yes Dean looked up at her, she smiled gently at him. "You did everything right, calling us right away and putting the cool cloth over his head. As well as not moving him much, we don't know if he injured himself or hit his head when he fell so not moving him was the best thing. Good job." Dean nodded, it was the training that their father had taught them their whole life, only he figured it would be used in hunting situations. Swallowing Dean turned to her again, asking, "what about the baby? Will both him and the baby be alright?" She nodded, "we can't know for sure the damage done to the baby from the fall right now, but there isn't any blood so that's a good sign. I'm sure your husband will be alright, as for your baby, we can't know for sure, but they are tougher than you think."  
Once they got to the hospital Sam was rushed out for tests to be taken to see if there was any damage. Dean tried to follow, annoyed when a nurse stopped him, telling him he couldn't go with his husband. He was shown to a waiting room, given some papers to fill out, and a nurse telling him to be patient and that they will let him know any information. Sighing Dean pulled out his phone, calling Kevin and Cas, he knew they were both at the bunker so they could be at the hospital quickly. He let them know the situation, they said they would get to the hospital as soon as possible.

Dean paced back and forth, no one had come out and told him anything. It felt like he had been here forever, every minute feeling like an hour. Finally, finally, a nurse came out calling his name. Rushing up to her she led him to a room, telling him a doctor would be in soon to tell him everything. She left him then, saying to ask if he needed anything. Dean looked down at Sam, his face looked pale except for the flush of fever across his cheeks. Dean sighed, sitting down in a chair. He took Sam's hand. Seven months, Sam was seven months pregnant. He was seven months pregnant when he lost Joan. Seven months, was that all his body could take? Was seven months his expiration date before his body couldn't take anymore. Were they going to loose the baby? Another baby? It would hurt, it would hurt like hell for Dean and he knew he would never get over it. It was a crushing pain whenever he thought about Joan, and he had never even met her. What would it be like when he been here the whole time? Felt the kicks, seen the ultrasounds, heard his son's heart beat. His strong, healthy heart beat. When he was hopelessly loved his son, just like Sam. He could survive, if they lost another baby. He knew he could, it would be unimaginable pain, worse than anything hell could dish out; but he could survive. He knew Sam couldn't though. Sam couldn't survive loosing another baby, and Dean couldn't survive without Sam.  
Dean settled into the uncomfortable hospital chair, holding his husband's hand. Begging to whatever and whoever would listen that Sam and their son would be OK.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean are given the news about their son.

Dean looked up as he his hand being squeezed. He let out a sigh of breath, sitting up. He gave the best smile he could to his husband. "Hey, Sammy how you feeling?" Sam shrugged, "I've been better. What happened?" "I came home, and couldn't find you at first. When I did you were passed out on the floor, your fever was extremely high. I called an ambulance to take you to the hospital." Sam frowned, letting his hand fall down to the swell of his middle. There was something wrong, he knew it. The hardness of his stomach seemed...deflated a bit. Softer than it should be. Instantly he knew. Sam knew what was wrong, had read about it. Sam turned to his husband, "Dean, where's the doctor?" Sam whispered, barely being able to get the words out. Dean looked at his husband, studying him. "I'll go get him Sammy. He was in a few moments ago, said he was gonna wait till you were awake to tell us about your fever and panic attack." Dean finished, something was wrong, he didn't know what, but Sam seemed to. Standing up he walked out of the room, seeing Sam's doctor right down the hall he motioned for him to come over.   
Dean and Dr. Olson walked into Sam's room, Dean sat down again next to Sam, taking his hand. The doctor took a sighed before opening the file in his hand. "Sam, before I begin, nothing you did at all could have changed anything." Dean's gaze snapped from Sam to the doctor. He wasn't..he wasn't talking about..no he couldn't be. Dr. Olson took a deep breath before continuing. "Male pregnancies are tricky. Sometimes the body can't handle the pregnancy, or can only handle it for so long. I was informed that you lost a child before, when you were also seven months along at the time. Your body isn't..capable of handling a pregnancy full term. Apparently it can handle seven months before it feels it must remove the..abnormality. The tiredness, and fever was your body somewhat shutting down to do this. Your immune system slowed down to help the removal, so you got sick and a fever." The doctor stopped, looking to the couple in front of him. He was a parent himself, four beautiful, healthy children. He couldn't imagine the pain of loosing a child. Much less two. "I'm sorry but you have suffered another miscarriage." Dean felt his heart stop. Or at least it felt like it. He couldn't move. He heard Sam's breath hitch, felt like he could hear the last part of Sam that held his brother together shatter, his only will to live. He should comfort Sam, he knew he should. He couldn't make himself move though. He listened, as the doctor explained that their dead son would still need to be passed; that they were going to put Sam into a forced labor. Listen as Sam cried beside him. Listened as his life fell apart around him. 

Dean pressed a kiss to Sam's sweaty head. This wasn't how he had imagined this moment. They were supposed to be excited, finally being able to meet their son. Now Dean watched as Sam slumped onto the bed, catching his breath. Listened for the cry of their child that would never come. He moved to shield Sam, so he wouldn't have to see their son's corpse being passed off to a nurse. 

Sam sat still, starring at nothing. Nurses were checking his vitals, they said he could go home today. All he wanted to do was leave. Leave everything. Leave this planet. Cas and Kevin had come by earlier. Dean had told them what happened, had asked them to simply go take care of Bear. He looked up when Dean walked into the room, stayed silent as his husband helped him dress. Glad he stayed silent when his hand brushed over his now flat middle. Let out a shaky breath when Dean pressed a kiss to his temple, then letting their foreheads rest together. 

Dean was silent when driving home. Sam was too, starring out the impala's passenger window. 

Cas and Kevin were there when they got home. They had taken care of Bear. They gave them sad looks as they left. Cas lingering, not wanting to go. He knew. Knew what was going to happen. 

Sam stayed silent, sitting on the couch starring at the black TV screen. Stayed silent as Dean kneeled in front of him, begged him not to do what he knew he was thinking. Begged him not to leave him, tried to convince him they would be fine on their own. They had Bear. They could adopt. Sam stayed silent when Dean sighed, hanging his head and crying. Sam stayed silent when they went to bed that night, both of them knowing it was their last night. 

Sam woke up with Dean the next morning. Listened as Dean tried once more to change his mind. Dean called Cas, handed over Bear to him, told him that he and Kevin better take care of him. Cas nodded, gave him and Sam a sad smile. Let them know he would see them soon, then left. 

Dean kissed Sam once, for the last time. They were crossing together. Just like they always knew they would. Couldn't live without each other, couldn't live at all anymore.   
They were both ready to cross.


	4. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean wake up with heaven, and finally, finally get to meet their children.

Dean blinked his eyes open, quickly becoming aware of his surroundings. He was in the impala. He was in the driveway of his and Sam's house. Sam wasn't next to him. Getting out of the car Dean made his way to the front door. Before he could knock to see if anyone was inside, it opened. 

Sam stood in front of him, grinning, and obviously pregnant. Dean smiled at Sam, could see the happy tears in his eyes. Before he could say anything though a little girl with blonde hair and brown eyes wrapped herself around his legs. She grinned up at him. "Daddy you're home." Dean looked to Sam, reaching down to pick up the little girl, instantly knowing who she was. His daughter. Joan. 

Sam motioned for him to come inside. Dean was again greeted by Bear, wagging his tail. Joan immediately started wiggling in his grasp, giggling and demanding "put me down daddy." Dean obeyed, reluctantly. She ran off with Bear, presumably to play.  
Dean turned back to Sam. "She's alive." Sam nodded, tears falling. "We're in heaven Dean." Sam took Dean's hand and placed it on his swollen middle. "Mikeys alive too." Dean felt his own tears fall. This was it. This was their heaven. They got to have their family. They got to have Joan.  
Dean pulled Sam against him, pulling his husband and brother into a deep kiss. 

They got their happy ending, even if it wasn't by being alive.

They got to have eternity with their children, with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end of the alternate ending. Let me know what you thought of it. Thank you so much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, let me know what you thought!


End file.
